Dickin' Around In Space

What What in the Hutt

Adria Montoya
Bradrus “Slick” Sell
Juice Dookdroppa
Prata’ri Rackus

We begin our story like, I don’t know, a couple months ago on Nar Shaddaa. Good ole Prata’ri Rackus was looking for information on…. Ummm…. You know, what’s their names…. Well, Momma and Sister Rackus. So Prata’ri hit the streets to ask around, because I’m sure that’s the best way to find people on a planet of 85 billion.

The first place he stopped was a booming night club known as the Cockpit.

And man, did he come to the right place, because everyone there was just so friendly for some reason. He bought a drink and tipped the bartender for a little extra information. The bartender suggested that if he’s looking for humanoid cargo, he should check Gravo’s Pet Shop down the street.

Meanwhile, Teemo the Hutt called the rest of the gang to his palace because he believed someone on his staff was conspiring against him. As we learned in Hell Hoth No Fury, the Empire had a spy in Teemo’s palace. And Teemo said his head servant, Do’Sekez, was disappearing at odd times and talking in private to someone on his commlink.

Thwheek, on the other hand, did a little investigating of his own and found that the datapad in the kitchen was used to order Balmudian Cider, which any skilled Xenologist would know is poisonous to Hutts.

After wiping off the Kubaz mucus, the gang went to work to find the Imperial assassin. Adria did a quick scan of Teemo’s WiFi connection and found an unknown signal…. And the call was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE! But unfortunately, they couldn’t narrow down an exact location just yet.

First stop: the kitchen. As they walked in, a small refreshment droid conveniently rolled by after being kicked by a giant whale wearing an apron. The whale of a man was Gredd Norma, a herglic and Teemo’s head chef. He complained that Teemo’s been cutting costs recently by hiring droids over humanoids, because they cost less to maintain. A motive? Maybe. Gredd insisted that it was he who ordered the Balmudian Cider, but he did it as a favor for Lemmy Zhalto, the newest member of the house band.

Adria stepped out of the kitchen to talk to that poor, abused refreshment droid, who she later found out was RT-45. According to him, the Herglic was a droid racist, and as much as we all hate FN-1K, we still kinda felt bad for the little guy. RT agreed to sneak into the kitchen and swipe the datapad. After some 1337zor Hax, Adria found out that someone used this datapad to contact Jeffa the Hutt on Nar Shaddaa….

Back to Gravo’s pet shop where our hero, Prai’tari Rackus, was following a lead on his family’s whereabouts. Unfortunately, he wasn’t nearly as charming as his rugged good looks might suggest. Gravo the Hutt wasn’t willing to give up the truth about his humanoid trafficking ring. So Rackus figured the sensible thing to do in this situation was to wait until nightfall and engage in some slight breaking and entering.

Unfortunately for Rackus, a nosy civilian saw him slip into the back alley. That’s when Rackus decided it was time to put on his clever disguise kit.


Now that people will just assume he had Space Downs, Rackus got to work. He managed to HAXXOR into Gravo’s system and find out that his Mom and Sister were transported by a Trandoshan slaver named Grekk. Hmmm… Grekk. Why does that name sound familiar? Eh, it’s not important now. Especially since that nosy ass civilian is looking through the glass and calling the cops outside!

Rackus wasn’t done yet, though. He gave Gravo’s computer system an STD and booked it out the back just in time to hear the sirens. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t even climb over a 5 foot fence, so he had to make a run for it on foot.

Back at Teemo’s palace, Slick and Juice were tearing apart Do’Sekez’s private quarters. When they couldn’t pick the lock on his footlocker, Juice solved the problem the same way he solves every problem. He shot it with his big-ass gun. Inside, they found a datapad, which was for some reason scorched by blaster fire. Hopefully Adria could fix and/or hack it. Which she did.

It turns out Do’Sekez had been making calls to both Jeffa the Hutt, and an Imperial officer, OH NOES! Not only did he ask for an entire battalion of Stormtroopers, but he also ordered 500 lbs of explosives, and the shipment had just arrived in the cargo area. As if the evidence wasn’t damning enough, there was also talk of a secret meeting going on outside, below the landing pad. The password was “Family Secret.” Clearly, someone was trying to kill Teemo.

The group then got a holocall from Rackus, who said he’d meet them at Teemo’s palace. In the meantime, the group went to check out these explosives in the cargo bay. There, they met Kragan, the dockmaster, and thanks to Slick’s super slick speech abilities, convinced him that they were there to pick up the shipment for Do’Sekez. They moved the fireworks to as discreet location in the sewers where Juice and Thwheek set up an ambush.

When Rackus finally arrived, he told the rest of the group everything he had learned. Something about some guy named…. Grekk?

Funny story, Rackus. We kinda maybe killed him and might be sorta flying around in his ship.

So Rackus runs a few scans on the Wookieebane’s computer systems and finds out that his mother and sister were delivered to Brando the Hutt, the fattest, shittiest Hutt of them all on Nal Hutta. But we’ll have to save that for another exciting episode.


Slick, Adria, and Rackus grouped up to check out this secret meeting under the landing pad. They found a small shack and could hear muffled voices inside. Unfortunately, the meeting ended before they could get any real info, and Slick did his best to keep the group, led by Do’Sekez and Lemmy Zhalto, from getting suspicious. In fact, he even managed to convince them to pick up their crate of explosives from the sewers.

Adria and Rackus went down to join the ambush while Slick went up to talk to Teemo about their progress. But when Slick mentioned Jeffa the Hutt’s name to Teemo, the Hutt let out one of those iconic laughs and said that all was not how it seemed. Teemo said that his 200th birthday was coming up in a week, and Jeffa was obviously just trying to throw a surprise party for his little brother. Not entirely convinced, Slick ran down to the sewers to try to stop the carnage.

The trap was set. Juice removed some of the explosives from the crate to make sure that the blast would only be deadly from a few feet away. The others hid nearby in the shadows with their blasters trained on the crate. Once Do’Sekez and his minions approached, the gang revealed themselves and shouted an ultimatum: Give up now or die.

Do’Sekez pulled out his blaster. Clearly, he wasn’t going to let these strangers kill him without putting up a fight. But before the firefight could begin, Bradrus came running down the corridor, shouting something about a surprise birthday party. Do’Sekez looked defeated as he admitted the truth. How could these strangers hate joy that much? Why did they have to ruin such a pleasant surprise for his master?

In conclusion, Teemo wasn’t really upset about having the surprise ruined, but he was still a little concerned that there was still an Imperial spy running around his palace somewhere. Oh yeah, whatever happened to that part? Oh well, this story is over. No way that could EVER come back to bite them in the ass.


SpringfieldFatts Chicoriverez

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