Dickin' Around In Space

Seeing Red

Bradrus “Slick” Sell
FN-1K
Skooter Heetshooter

Space Log

Jeffren Froe

NAR SHADDAA – Apparently when we landed on the Smuggler’s Moon and Slick said, “I’ll stay here and protect the ship…” what he really meant was, “I’m gonna leave the ship unsupervised so that I can go get us all into trouble.” It all began when he received this message:

Hello friend. I’m contacting you because you’ve been a real asset to our organization in the past. Unfortunately I have another favor to ask of you. Don’t worry, you’ll be compensated. I can’t discuss the details of this operation in case this message has been tapped. Instead, you need to meet with one of our operatives at the Rimmer’s Rest cantina on Nar Shaddaa. Ask for Red.
For the Alliance!
Mu Nanb

Now, let’s pretend for a second that this message doesn’t look like obvious spam and pretend that Slick actually thought he was being invited to a top secret meeting with the Rebel Alliance (He totally did. He actually believed that.) So while the rest of us were taking care of business, he ran off to track down his new favorite color.

Meanwhile, in the refugee sector, Dr. N1K was patching up a few more refugees and Scooter was recovering from the ass-kicking he got from Herkin and Moxo. That’s when a group of six men stumbled into the emergency tent and claimed they were terribly sick, like many of the people in their village, because they live close to the contaminated sewer system deep in the core of Nar Shaddaa. After FN-1K prevented their imminent deaths, they pledged to follow him into the depths of the sewers to track down the source of this sickness. So off they went, N1K, Scooter, and six filthy villagers traveling through the sewers on a tiny raft. Hmmm… Some bats would do nicely here.

A small group of mynocks flew out of the darkness and one of them managed to attach itself to N1K’s head. Scooter pulled out his knife, saying, “Oi, I’ll handle this!” and ended up stabbing the droid in the head. Oops. Eventually they killed the last of the bats, but we’ll return to this episode of Dr. N1K and Scooter’s Wacky Adventures in just a moment.

Meanwhile, in the Red Light Sector, Slick found his way to the Rimmer’s Rest cantina. Outside, though, he found a Wookiee and Trandoshan in a heated argument. Naturally, he figured he could solve centuries of conflict by asking, “Hey, can’t we all just get along?” But it actually worked… kinda. The Trandoshan agreed to back down, so Slick hit up the Wookiee for more information as they all walked back inside the bar.

Apparently he wasn’t the only loser here looking for this mysterious Red character. The female Nautolan bartender said people had been coming in all day asking for Red, including the Ithorian sitting next to Slick at the bar. But she seemed to be holding something back.

The Ithorian introduced himself as Ondo Baat and later revealed that he was also rebel informant. Apparently he got the same message as Slick, and while he was staked out at the bar, he witnessed someone come down through the elevator, collect patrons at the bar, and bring them upstairs somewhere. Ondo questioned whether this was connected to the Red situation.

Slick went back to chatting up the bartender (maybe he’s into that whole octopus-head thing), and was seemingly making progress when a blaster bolt whizzed past his head and killed her right before she revealed what she really knew. It was the Trandoshan. The Wookiee pulled out his blaster and returned fire. Slick figured he better jump in and help murder this stranger he knew next to nothing nothing about, but it didn’t matter.

Shortly after the Trandoshan gunned down the Wookiee, a human came out of the back area with a scattergun and fired it up at the ceiling. “Grekk, hold your fire!! He’s one of us.” And gestured to Slick. “Now get out of here before I kill you myself.” The Trandoshan growled and scrambled out the door. “Thanks for coming on such short notice,” the human said, “ I’m Agent Red.”

Agent Red took Slick past the bar, to enter his back door. They went all the way up the long shaft of the elevator, only stopping when they reached the tip top. When they emerged from that tight box, Slick was panting with anticipation. All around them were recording devices, maps, and technicians glued to computer screens. This was is what Slick’s wildest dreams were made of. This was some kind of listening post.

But Agent Red was packing a real surprise for Slick, something he could only show him when they were alone. So Red took him to a door in the back of the room. Slick’s heart was beating, he was ready to burst, so he came… through the door. There were five men waiting for him inside. The biggest, burliest man grabbed his abnormally large weapon and waved it around at Slick.

“On your knees you rebel scum!”

Whoa! What just happened? Eh, nevermind. Sorry, where was I? I got a little distracted. Oh, yeah… So N1K and Scooter had 2 tickets to the Ooze Cruize, and they were looking for the source of this crazy sewer sickness.

They decided to play it safe and take the beaten path, where they spotted a man being attacked by mynocks. Luckily, they were able to pick a few of them off before they were lured by the power from N1K’s battery unit. Flailing around like a man with bats attached to his body, N1K somehow avoided taking any friendly fire as the villagers took out a few more mynocks. Even Scooter managed to cut one off. Way to use that knife, buddy!

Dr. N1K took a look at the man they just tried to save. He was mortally wounded, but they did manage to get some information out of him first. He said he was the beast handler for a local crime lord, Gravo the Hutt. The animals have been getting sick in their cages. To keep it from spreading, the Hutt ordered any sick animals to be released into the sewers.

FN1K knew that if he could get a blood sample from an infected beast, he could turn it into an antidote. So now their mission was obvious. Break into a Hutt compound, find a rabid beast and ask it for some blood. What could go wrong?

So they followed the path through the sewers that would lead them right into the beast pens. Only one problem… N1K scanned the cages and found that the only beast that tested positive for the virus was a hulking ass gundark. After a foolish attempt to stab it with a syringe through the bars on its cage, N1K gave in and decided the only solution was to kill it.

Now logically, they could have easily just shot at it from a safe distance outside the cage… But apparently all that Intelligence FN-1K units have is better spent on medical knowledge than logic. So they opened the cage. I guess because this virus works like vampires or something where if you kill the one that started it all, the rest go away.

The beast came roaring out, hurling itself at N1K. With one mighty swipe he knocked the droid on his ass. Using this opportunity, Scooter pulled out his knife and stabbed at the behemoth’s back. Scooter still swears he heard it chuckle at him when his knife bounced harmlessly off its thick flesh. Instead, the gundark turned his attention to the Chiss. When the gundark swung high, Scooter ducked under its claws and leaped onto its back. The distraction opened the beast up to multiple blaster shots from N1K and his villager minions. Scooter yelled “Laugh at this!” as he plunged his vibroknife deep into the back of the gundark’s neck.

So, finally, FN1K was able to draw the blood he needed, and they returned to the village with the antidote. Although the villagers were thankful, they were, ya know, living in the sewers. But they did let Scooter look through their trash for droid parts. Though unsurprisingly, he was too drunk to find anything. And they scrounged together a minimal amount of credits to offer their heroes. Their children had nothing to eat that night.

THE END.

Oh wait, there’s more! So Slick finally realized that he was led into a trap. They wasted no time putting him in a cell. That’s when he saw his good pal Mu Nanb locked up in a force cage. He was bruised and bloody, but still conscious. He told Brad that he was careless and got caught by Imperial Intelligence. They took his datapad and sent out a generic message to all of his contacts, hoping they could draw them out of hiding. He said they had been torturing him for information, but so far he was able to resist them.

Their conversation was interrupted by Gary the guard. He came over to taunt them, and Slick thought he could talk his way out of this one. He pleaded with the guard to let him go. Instead, the guard reached through the bars of his cell and shoved him to the ground. Laughing, he turned around to taunt Mu Nanb. The keys attached to his belt glistened in the dim light of the cell block. And Slick knew this was the last chance he had at freedom.

Now this is the part of the story that gets a little shady. Slick claims he just closed his eyes and stretched out with his sadness or something and the keys magically flew across the room into his hands. Yeah. That’s it. Well, whatever the case, he got out of his cell and Mu Nanb told him that it was possible the force cage could be turned off from the control tower on the roof.

With his newly found freedom, Slick found his gear and a blaster rifle in the next room. He immediately dialed me up on his commlink and told use where we could find him—on top of the tower at the Rimmer’s Rest Cantina. Then he decided to go back and leave the rifle next to Mu Nanb’s cage. While he was setting the blaster down, however, the door opened at the end of the hall and a guard slowly walked toward them. Slick made up some lie for Mu Nanb to tell the guard when he found the empty jail cell, and hid behind the force cage. Luckily Mu Nanb must have taken acting classes or something because he remembered his lines perfectly and the guard ran off to alert his friends. Slick used the opportunity to sneak his way up the stairs to the roof.

On the roof, Slick snuck his way up to the control tower and managed to take out the two technicians inside. He even found a computer spike on one of their corpses. He was left with a choice, though. Once he gained access to the system, he realized he was in way over his head with this computer stuff. He had the difficult decision of either using the computer spike to free Mu Nanb from his force cage… or access a file labeled CLASSIFIED.

At least he would have had a difficult decision if he was anyone other than Slick, because Space-Christ, the guy pisses lightside points. So he decided to free his friend rather than take the mystery box. Also he triggered the alarm systems. So he had to fight off a few guards and hope his friend could blast his way up to the roof. Which he did; a few seconds later. And chasing behind him was Agent Red with two squads of stormtroopers!

Stuck on the roof with nowhere to run, things were looking desperate for our rebel friends. They had both suffered critical injuries and they wouldn’t be able to last much longer against firepower of that magnitude…..

POP-POP!

The blaster cannons of the Krayt Fang shredded the first group of stormtroopers as the incredibly skilled (and dashingly handsome) pilot brought the medium freighter to a hover over the landing pad and dropped the boarding ramp. With their escape route in sight, Slick and Mu Nanb made a desperate dash toward the ship while Juice laid down a hail of covering fire.

When Slick reached the boarding ramp, he turned around to see his Sullustan friend was no longer right behind him. He had been knocked down by the blaster fire. Slick ran back, through his arm over his shoulder and dragged him back to the ship. As he threw him down onto the boarding ramp and climbed into the ship behind him, he made a horrifying discovering. That last shot had nearly blown Mu Nanb’s hand completely off. He was maimed, but they were both finally safe. The ship rocked back as the master pilot increased thrust and flew off into the sunset… He really saved the day, huh?

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