Dickin' Around In Space

Homeworld Bound

Or How I Stopped In Chicago And Loved This Game

Homeworld Bound
Bradrus S’ell

Act 1

The Incredible Journey

So the guys paid a stranger to give their space dick some much-needed TLC, and while the rest of the crew was using some of their vacation hours to relax on Corellia, Bradrus received an important call from daddy. We knew it wasn’t his mom, because he didn’t raise his voice a few octaves to squeeze out a “Hey!” that made our balls retract.

“Bradrus! It’s your father! I hope this message makes it to you in time. I’ve got bad news. It’s about your Aunt Gaila. Her health is failing and it’s urgent that you be here.
We all look forward to seeing you, again, son. Much has changed since your last visit. I’m afraid our way of life could be changing forever.
I’ll explain everything when you get here.”


After signing over his movie rights, Bradrus tried to catch the first space taxi to Ghorman. Unfortunately, after being put on hold for what felt like forever, and getting trapped in a touchtone loop, he finally found out that all transports to Ghorman have been put on hold. No, Bradrus, yelling “Representative” into the commlink has no effect.

Having given up on technology, Bradrus stomped off in a huff and managed to catch the tail end of a news report:

Hi, I’m Jip Skyray. We end our broadcast this evening with unrest in the Sern Sector. Gara?
Thanks, Jip. Tension is on the rise as violent protestors on Ghorman lash out at the Guardians of Peace. Planetary Governor Yenech says he’s interested in finding a peaceful solution to this disagreement, but he will refuse to negotiate with terrorists. For citizen safety, the Governor has tightened spaceport security planet-wide. That’s all for now, I’m Gara Vellex, CPN News. Back to you, Jip!

Shit just got real. Oh, and did you get the reference? No? Well don’t worry, because there are plenty more forgettable characters where that came from!

Speaking of which, with a quick stop at the spaceport, Bradrus recognized a familiar name in the ship logs: Ondo Baat of the Distant Moon Stealth Freighter. Yeah, trust me, you don’t know who that guy is.

When Bradrus enters the spaceport, Ondo immediately recognizes him as the mysterious human that saved his life on Nar Shaddaa. There might be a few more links I could fit in here.

Since Ondo was outed as a member of the Rebel Alliance, he was forced to change his tactics, and these days he tries to keep a low profile. In fact…. He’s currently on the job, tasked with delivering medical supplies to the citizens of Ghorman. Hahaha. What are the odds?

Well that sounds like an easy gig. It’s too bad he forgot to mention that he’s carrying a restricted amount that breaks Corellian trade laws. Wow, actually that makes sense. No wonder the feds were on their ass.

“Don’t worry,” Ondo confidently wheezes out of his four wind pipes, “Watch this.”

Brad was Princess Leia in that clip ^ (hehehe!)

The stealth field generator failed. Looks like Bradrus is gonna have to talk his way out of this one!

Oh, he did? Just like that? Well that was easy. Off to Ghorman they go! …Right into an Imperial blockade. It’s ok, Ondo totally fixed the stealth field generator during the hyperjump. “Punch it!”

It was his fault. It was totally Ondo’s fault. So he told Bradrus to take the controls while he went down to the maintenance deck to fix it. With a little bit a fancy flying (and lucky rolls!), Bradrus was able to keep the TIE fighters off of them long enough for the stealth field to kick in and take them safely planetside. Phew! This kind of action makes a brother need an act break!

Act 2 – The Book of Ghorman


In a discreet location outside the capitol, Ondo introduced Bradrus to the leader of the resistance movement, Riki. They brought the medical supplies to a local sandwich shop, which was a cover for their smuggling operation. Also, it was a long trip. Ondo had been thinking about that sammich all damn day.

From here, Bradrus made his way to the capitol building where protestors were facing off against the capitol guards. Luckily, Brad’s a fortunate son, so he flashed his badge or some shit and went inside to see why the fam was all up on his balls.

Basically, here’s the lowdown:

-Aunt Gaila is in a coma.

-She’s also a senator in the Ghorman Senate, just like Daddy S’ell is.

-There’s a crucial vote tomorrow on whether to join the Empire.

-Bradrus is probably gay.

-Gaila is likely the deciding vote.

-Ghorman law states a blood relative can make an absentee vote during medical emergencies.

So basically, Bradrus is about to live his dream. A political snoozefest-thriller to prevent the Empire from taking control over his home planet. Damn, what an awesome GM he had.
According to the family droid, 2-COM, all he had to do was head down to the governor’s office and declare his intent to vote in Gaila’s absence. Well that sounds easy!

The governor looks old and weak as he sits behind a big desk in a floating chair like an older, fatter professor X. The nameplate reads Governor Yenech. Brad swears he can hear the faintest hint of a beating heart.

Yenech knows why Bradrus is here and immediately and gets right to the bad news. He says those pesky protestors outside have stolen the Book of Ghorman! And Ghorman law is very strict: New Senators can only be sworn in with one hand on the great book!

2-COM suggests he check out the Library of Congress beneath the capitol. Because if there’s one thing this highly advanced, holographic based civilization has a lot of, it’s copies of hardcover books. So, after striking out with the sexy (and decrepit) librarian, Brad manages to do the creep down into the restricted area.


DO THE CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Suddenly a familiar light flashes before Brad’s eyes! Buried beneath a pile of books is a beacon of light. Calling him, tempting him. But what could it beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

With one hand on the Necronomigree, he has two visions. One which leads him to an old copy of the Book of Ghorman, and another vision which reveals a hidden door in the back of the basement. Brad’s feeling frisky, so he goes over to the hidden door and finds a small listening post belonging to Agent Red, along with a datapad containing incriminating evidence that pins Governor Yenech as a liar. Also, this is presumably the room where Agent Red jerks it.


The datapad has holovids of conversations between Yenech and Red. They plan to track down and kill the son of Senator S’ell in order to put Ghorman in the hands of the Empire.

As fate would have it, Bradrus hears someone approaching. It sounds like one footstep, followed by the clanking of metal. He stealths around to get a better look and…. Oh shit. Agent Red has new leg.


It was a showdown. High noon. Good vs Evil. Mano-a-Mano. Dogs against cats. Bradrus could feel something brewing deep inside of him. This was a long time coming. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he recognized that feeling. Fear. He ran out of there like the little chicken-shit we all knew he was.

He took the book back home to rest. The big vote was tomorrow, so he needed his rest. At dinner, his family gathered around the table to congratulate him with a toast. 2-COM walks in with a pitcher. “Who needs a refill?”

His mom tells him to check the fridge, because there’s something special inside just for him. So Bradrus goes to the kitchen, opens the door and BAM! An explosion from the dining room! Bradrus runs in to find his entire family dead!

Just kidding. It was all a dream. He must have passed out as soon as he got home.
So Mr. S’ell went to Washington, book in hand. Governor Yenech was visibly upset when he saw that Brad had successfully found a copy of the book. Yenech begrudgingly swore in the budding young Senator, and Bradrus was able to cast the deciding vote to save his home planet from Imperial rule.

Something like this deserves to be celebrated! So Bradrus met his family for dinner. After a toast in his honor, Momma S’ell told Bradrus that something special was waiting for him in the fridge. 2-COM walked in with a pitcher and asked, “Who needs a refill?”

Oh Fuck.

Either Bradrus had a bad case of déjà vu, or the GM gave him a Jedi premonition. Man, this GM is really spot on. Totally tuned in to Brad’s needs and wants as a player. Kudos to you, sir.

Where was I? Oh shit, that’s right! So Bradrus narrowly helped his family escape a clear attempt on their lives. The….. End?

Stay tuned! Our straight-laced, lightside, all-around good guy with a lack of any real character development returns in…..


Act 3

A Cause Without the Rebels

Meanwhile, on Ghorman, Governor Yenech declared the attack on the S’ell family an act of terror by the protestors. He has declared open war on the resistance movement.

The Ghorman military began firing upon the peaceful protestors outside the capitol. At his father’s insistence, Bradrus S’ell travels to nearby Sern Prime, where the government is known to be friendly to the Rebellion.

Luckily, he is able to break the Imperial blockade with aid from his old pal Ondo Baat and his trusty stealth freighter.

Ondo comes through in the end and smuggles Bradrus to the capitol of Sern Prime, where he was able to score a meeting with the Homeworld Defense Committee. He made the case that Ghorman’s freedom meant the sector as whole would be stronger.

Talking talking talking, rolling rolling rolling, they agree to ask the Rebels for help.

But unfortunately the Rebel Alliance had relocated a lot of their forces to the front lines, so they only had a limited amount of resources to send. And because he’s such a swell, charming guy, they threw in a few of their planetary forces to help out.

They suggested he check with the local Trade Unions, because the Rimma Trade Route has been disrupted by the Imperial blockade (And also because I wasn’t gonna make things THAT easy for him) and the local traders were fed up with the Empire and would likely lend a hand. So Brad went to the cantina.

Talkity talk-talk. Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’

The traders agree to send in some of their private security forces!

So Brad takes his team of Sern Prime soldiers and private security forces back to Ghorman where he can take his country back!


As they get close, the Ghorman capitol looks to be a swirling combat zone, so they land on the edge of town and trek through the streets. Along the way, he runs into Riki! Remember her? Yeah, didn’t think so. Well, she adds a few of her resistance fighters to the group. We’re building up quite an entourage here!

As they get closer, Bradrus realizes that the Empire has joined the ground assault by adding a legion of stormtroopers to the mix. In fact, the stormtroopers prove to be formidable opponents and kind of kick the ass out of Brad’s rag-tag group of glorified teabaggers.


But luckily Lt. Wynn from the Alliance lands a transport with a team of Rebel Commandos just in time! Wynn says they’ll clean the Imps off the lawn, but if Bradrus had business to take care of inside the capitol, he better hurry it up, because intelligence reports indicate:

-Governor Yenech is making a hasty getaway at the spaceport.

-The Senate Wing (Where Brad’s family lives) is about to be overrun.

-Agent Red is retreating back to the barracks with the Imperial forces.

Now since time is running out, they’ll probably only be able to accomplish two of these things. We know Brad is gonna save his family first, because, Jesus Christ, he’s Brad. So really, it’s between Agent Red and Governor Yenech.

Brad decides to let the mastermind behind the whole thing get away, and he went after the lackey. Way to go, Slick!

So they fight their way over to the barracks. Inside, Brad manages to catch a glimpse of Agent Red before he managed to dart through a doorway and out of sight. Riki tells Bradrus they’ll stay and cover him if he wants to chase after Agent Red. He agrees.

So this is it. Through the blast doors of the barracks is a small landing pad. This is where Bradrus comes face to face with his nemesis, Agent Red…… again.

It was a showdown. High noon. Good vs Evil. Mano-a-Mano. Dogs against cats. AND HOLY CRAP BRAD GOT HIS SHIT KICKED IN!

But then Agent Red did that classic bad guy thing where he stuck around, toyed with his prey, and talked everything out instead just offing him and leaving. Agent Red laughed at the sight of Brad lying there, half-dead on the landing pad. He said TIE bombers were incoming at this very minute to reduce the building to rubble.

Out of options, Bradrus went for the hail mary. A perfectly placed shot to the face? No, but that would have been awesome! Instead he reached out with mind bullets and convinced this guy to stand there and get bombed to death while Brad crawled out to safety.

And they all lived happily ever after.


SpringfieldFatts Chicoriverez

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